I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just puked most of my soul out..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
