i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
