no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've blown a few things in my day
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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