Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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