Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
