i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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