pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
