I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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