Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
