I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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