You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
