Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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