She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
nutella sex= disaster
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
