you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
