Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
