Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
