you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize