How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
