He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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