so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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