forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
