Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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