Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
