There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
