member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize