and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
