Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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