I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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