I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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