you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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