At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
