Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
