I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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