hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
