I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
