I am puke
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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