i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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