Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
