Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize