can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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