you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
