just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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