he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
