i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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