I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
