apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
