If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
someone owes me an orgasm
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
