I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
