and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
