Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
