You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
