Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize