just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How does one acquire holy water?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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