I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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