forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
