Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
