the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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