I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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