are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
