I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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