So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
