Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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