the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
