Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
