Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize