I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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