Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
