I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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