Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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