Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
