i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
