you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize