you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
