She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
