Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize