I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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