id be glad to
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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